#7: Funny Games (2007)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0808279/

Funny Games is a shot-for-shot remake of the 1997 German film also written and directed by Michael Haneke. Hm. That doesn't sound right to me, for some reason. I don't think I've worded that correctly, but, uh... he did both. Blame the school system. So, I don't really know who buddy is but he appears to be pretty well respected in the film community by looking at his imdb profile. Caché (2005) sounds vaguely familiar... but I dunno.

Boy, I'm really on tonight. I think it's because I'm listening to the 2004 Phantom of the Opera soundtrack. Gerard is very distracting.

So, the story revolves around an upper class family that gets kidnapped by two creeps who want to play a few games with them before they kill them. Some funny games, you know.

The film stars Naomi Watts, Tim Roth (THADE! THADE! THADE! I'm sorry, he'll always be Thade from Tim Burtons, "Planet of the Apes" to me [YEAH, A-HOLE, I LIKED TIM'S APES!]), Michael Pitt (II), Brady Corbet and Devon Gearhart.

Let's jump right in. This kind of movie always pisses me off. It's that kinda Donnie Darko movie that just crosses it's arms and snarls, "If you don't get it, you're an idiot". Well you know what? There's nothing to get here! It's all on the table. This is a wannabe art film! It's murderers are pasty white with pouty lips, dressed in preppy white outfits that just SCREAM "art film". Ob-noixious. All I could think about well I was watching this was Gus Van Sant and how I could totally go for To Die For right about now. Sant makes good art freak movies. The guy is genius.

Hanky tried so hard to make this both sick and quirky but it was so tame. The golf club bit? Very predictable and that dog was so annoying, I didn't sympathize at all. There were a few things I did like, like the egg scene, that was interesting, and I liked when Michael Pitt (who was, admittedly, a little hot in this) addressed the camera but otherwise it was just blah. Oh, and the end was so WHATEVER. It was supposed to leave you like, "Oh shit, it's gone full circle!" but I was just like, "Uh, well, effin' duuuh... That's it?!" And I didn't care about the family at all, but I wasn't rooting for Peter and Paul either (oh, yeah, those are the preppy art freak murderers names). Shouldn't I have been on someones side? I was just so apathetic to the whole movie.

I remember when this came out and everybody was all gaga over it. They were calling it disturbing and hard to watch. Gimme a break. Sigh, I'm so let down. I am, however, a little intrigued to check out the original. Though I don't expect much since this was a shot-for-shot remake.

OH YEAAAH, don't even get me started on the 20 minute scene of Naomi Watts standing up. Dear. God.

In Conclusion:
On a scale of 1-10 I give it a 3.2.
Boo.

- It's Courtenay, mmkay?

#6: George of the Jungle (1997)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119190/

So. I'm going through a hard to explain Brendan Fraser faze at the moment. In the past two weeks I've watched 8 of his movies; Monkey Bone (2001), School Ties (1992), The Passion of Darkly Noon (1995), Dudley Do-Right (1999), The Mummy (1999), The Mummy Returns (2001), The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008) and today George of the Jungle (1997). I think it's safe to say The Mummy is my favorite of them all but for today lets talk about George of the Jungle since it's the freshest in my mind.

George of the Jungle is a 1997 film directed by Sam Weisman starring my dear Brendan Fraser as George Jungle, the jungle man, Judd Apatow's Leslie Mann as Ursula Stanhope, the cute and loving little explorer, Thomas Haden Church as the eeeevil Lyle van de Groot, Ursulas' fiance, and John Cleese lends his voice to Ape. The Ape... who talks. John Bennett Perry and the hilarious Holland Taylor also appear in the last half as Ursulas' parents.

Before I begin I want everyone to give Brendan Fraser some snaps for doing what he does. Many people mock Brendan for his choices in films but I applaud him. I mean, not only is he great at doing these kinds of movies where he plays all sorts of crazy but he also rocks at serious roles too (ex. School Ties). He just throws himself into his roles and that's something I can't begin to tell you how much I admire. He's a true blue actor through and through. Mad snaps. Snap snap snap.

Mmkay. So George of the Jungle is based on the cartoons by Jay Ward who also wrote the Dudley Do-Right cartoons (Fraser starred in the title role of the modern cinema remake of that too). Both films are very similar, both are essentially live action cartoons stringed along by narrators (I thought they were narrated by the same person, but apparently not). George is definitely the funnier of the two, even though Dudley had it's moments.

OH CAY. Blah blah blah boring stuff is now out of way. On to fun review! First half of George and Jungle is quite tedious. It has a few LOL moments but it isn't until about half way through when the scenery changes and it really picks up. The last half is seriously one of the funniest things I've seen in a really long time. Brendan Fraser kills as the clueless ape man in the big city, but he's not so clueless that it's frustrating. He's not frightened by cars and he doesn't howl at the telephone. He's basically just a big kid and let me tell you that my generation ate this shizz up with a little, labeled mickey mouse spoon. The rest of the cast rocks too. Everyone was just cast perfectly.

Uhm. The plot is very simple, so I wont spoil it, because unless you're under the age of 7 you'll see all the twists coming anyways.

Really the movie is just dumb, harmless fun. Yeah, there's a few perhaps unnecessary "adult" jokes, but kids wont get them. Promise. They even poke some fun at their more 'low brow' jokes. There's one in particular in the beginning that I LMAO-ed over. You'll know/will know which one I'm talking about. Key words: Elephant poop. Hilarity.

I mean, if you're old you might not enjoy this as much as a young person as myself does, but Mr. Fraser is a total stud muffin in it. Sooo, if that's of any consequence...

In conclusion:
On a scale of 1-10 I give it a 8.5.
Yah. I loved it.

Seriously, go watch this movie.
I'm sure you'll go ape over it!
Ha! Ha! Ha!
I'm so sorry.

- Courtenay, mmkay.

BLOG REVAMPING

Hey. It's me.

So, I totally lost interest in this blog and I think that's kinda sad because I love movies, I really wouldn't have much to live for if it wasn't for film... and that's really sad... but true. See, I was spending so much time and effort here trying to sound smart and eloquent that it was exhausting and I ended up just, well, not posting and all I want to do is talk movies. So, from now on, this is going to be a place of fun. Fun for me and hopefully fun for you. I'm not going to waste my time giving you all the little details anymore, unless they're crucial. It's called IMDB. Mmkay?

These are reviews by a NOW seventeen-year-old, not some stuffy old person. Imma talk young, imma be dead honest, and imma spoil shiz (so I suggest you watch the movie I'm reviewing beforehand).

Mission Statement: I want to review as many movies as possible so that maybe one day people can use my blog as a search engine for quick reviews by a young person with relitively good taste in film. Some reviews will be short, some long, but hopefully all fun.

I'm not reviewing movies on my channel anymore which is the main reason as to why I'm revamping this blog. I want to work on skits and stuff like that now.

I hope someone reads this.

- Courtenay, mmkay?

#5: Can't Buy Me Love (1987)

Can't Buy Me Love is a 1987 film directed by Steve Nash... sorry Rash starring a young and scrawny Patrick Dempsey and a bunch of 'where are they now' tv specials. Moving on.

The plot is this: Ronnie Miller, that's Patrick's character, wants nothing more then to be popular and he always figured if he dated a girl like Cindy Mancini (Amanda Peterson, who disappeared in 1995. Dead? Who knows... better yet, who cares?) who is an uber popular blonde who cheerleads. Then one very expensive suede outfit later Cindy ends up owing Ronnie 1000 bucks and what does he want in return for his hard earned dough? A one month relationship. One... month. Definitely not worth it, but whatever, it's the 80's, i'll let it slide. So yeah, that's about it. Oh, sorry, and hijinx ensue as Ronnie becomes a totally hot jerk as his new found popularity goes to his head.

This movie is, in my opinion, the quintessential 80's teen movie. The Clothes - ridiculous, the hair - outta control, the plot - predictable and cheesy. It's fun and I like it.

As I just mentioned this movie is fun and I like it, nay, love it. Patrick Dempsey is seriously adorable. Seriously. Like, adorable. Seriously, he's adorable. Just watch it. There's a 83% chance you wont hate it and a 67% chance you'll love it, as I do.

I don't really have any problems with this movie. Mostly because it's exactly what it set out to be -a cheesy date movie. You can't fault a stripper for being a hoe, it's their job. So chill.

Annnnd this is all I've got to say.

Now go watch this movie. Go... GO! Seriously, like, now. Bye.

- Courtenay

#4: Death Proof (2007)

Death Proof is a 2007 Quentin Tarantino film starring Kurt Russel, Rosario Dawson (Clerks 2), Zoe Bell (who's an actual stunt woman, so she's essentially playing herself), Vanessa Ferlito, Sydney Tamiia Poiter, Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Tracie Thoms.

Death Proof is just one half of 'Grindhouse', Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez' homage to 70's and 80's drive-in movies of the 'b' category. The other film was 'Planet Terror' -which I found hugely forgettable. All I remember was that there was zombies and Bruce Willis was in it for about 3 minutes, total...

I think Death Proof is, for the most part, a success, but it could have been SO much better. For one, it basically repeats itself in the second half. I mean, the second batch of girls are almost identical to the first, only these bitches is fightin' back. He spent way too much time developing the first crop, did we even need them? What if we just had that first killing with the Blondie? That's all we really needed to get the 'he's a psychopath' thing across. We learned why the movie is called 'Death Proof', how his car is 'Death Proof' and why he keeps getting away with all these murders. Yeaaah, I'm beginning to like my idea more and more... Where was I when pen was put to paper? He could have easily merged these two groups of ladies into one.

Secondly, I get what Quentin was going for with these movies, but he didn't really sell me on the 'gritty 80's b-movie' thing. Where was all the cheesy dialogue and what happened to 80's theme at the start of the second half? Suddenly it just cut and we were in 2007 again. Why?

There's a lot more things I liked about the movie, though. Like the actors, Kurt Russel played the part very well. Stuntman Mike is creepy, but he's suave, which makes you understand how he manages to lure so many woman into his cars (so we think). I think the girls were great too, especially Rosario Dawson (Abernathy). She's such a great actress, I just love her. I also really liked Zoe Bell, who's an actual stunt woman. I think she should do more acting roles, she's really very funny. I liked all the girls, honestly. Also, the music kicks ass. 'Down in Mexico' is a little gem I never would have heard if it weren't for this movie.

'He wears a red bandanna, plays a cool piana...'

Even with all it's faults I still give this movie two thumbs up!
+ You are dead inside if you don't do a fist pump at the end.
It's just mindless fun!


- Courtenay

#3: Burn After Reading (2007)

Burn After Reading is a 2007 film directed by Joel and Ethan Coen starring George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Frances McDormand, John Malkovich and Tilda Swinton.

'Osbourne Cox, a Balkan expert, is fired at the CIA, so he begins a memoir. His wife wants a divorce and expects her lover, Harry, a philandering State Department marshal, to leave his wife. A diskette of Osbourne's musings falls out of a gym bag at a Georgetown fitness center. Two employees there try to turn it into cash: Linda, who wants money for elective surgery, and Chad, an amiable goof. They try to sell the disc back to Osbourne, who has a short fuse, then they visit the Russian embassy. To sweeten the pot, they decide they need more of Osbourne's secrets. Meanwhile, Linda's boss likes her, and Harry's wife leaves for a book tour. All roads lead to Osbourne's house' is the plot summery on imdb.

I have a few problems with this movie. For one, the words 'burn after reading' were not mentioned once (unless I'm, like, ya know, really dumb and missed it or something). Secondly, Brad Pitt, the only funny person in this comedy, was gone half way through. Thirdly, it just ends. We never got to see a real end, all we got, like in most Coen Brothers movies, was a 5 minute wrap up talk. It's like having to leave the movie theater early. I feel jipped.

Speaking of Brad Pitt, I kinda used to hate him... like Johnny Depp! I used to think Johnny Depp was super cool with his 'I don't care' attitude. But when I saw him at the MTV movie awards, seemingly unshowered with a dirty rag in his back pocket my opinion changed to: big jerk. But, after reading into him a little more and watching 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' I like him again.

Now, I was never much of a Brad Pitt fan. I always thought (and still do think) he takes himself way too seriously (to the point were it's just obnoxious). But, after watching this and Fight Club I like him a little more. Maybe there's a personality buried under all that hair gell after all...

BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Anywho, in conclusion: I did not like this movie.
I am left with nothing but disappointment and rage.
A fine cast wasted.

The end.


-Courtenay

#2: Death at a Funeral (2007)

Death at a Funeral is a 2007 British Film directed by Frank Oz, The Stepford Wives (2004), Bowfinger (1999) [with my guy, Robert Downey Jr.]. He is famous for such voice acting as Starwars' Yoda and pretty much every Sesame Street character there is.

'Chaos ensues when a man tries to expose a dark secret regarding a recently deceased patriarch of a dysfunctional British family' is the synopsis of this retched film.

I'm about to go on an angry rant, if you were a fan of this film and wouldn't take kindly to me picking it apart until there's nothing left but a sad, little, old man doing a Yoda impression banging on the front doors of Lucas Ranch, screaming for another chance, click the red X in the top right hand corner of this window, thanks.

Not only did I find this dark comedy neither dark nor funny but I also found it slower then George Bush, on a good day. It just dragged on... and on... I saw so many perfect cutting points, but this film was so full of itself it let every single scene drag out as if hoping a joke might find itself on the way. I found no jokes. It's trying so hard to be dry but it always end up slap sticky. "Oh look, that man has feces on his face! Check that out, the creepy dwarf is a black mailing, house wreaking gay! Look there, it's the pasty naked guy from A Knights Tale and he's naked again! Ha-ha-ha!" Don't get me wrong, I love slap stick (hello, huge Kevin Smith fan typing!) but it all falls flat. I saw every joke before they were said, every plot twist before they happened. It's a frustratingly unfunny and agonizingly predictable film I beg you to avoid at all costs.

You've seen it before.

What a waste of 90 minutes.


Courtenay, out.